Eleven men who trained for the priesthood at a Yorkshire seminary have recently settled their claims of sexual abuse with the Catholic order that ran it. 'It wasn't even a good education. Simon Partridge, 68, compares the school to which he was sent at seven with 'polite prison'. The 10 Worst Masturbation Stories We've Ever Heard. But we are best mates…” She pauses, collects herself. Fraser’s blog, Boarding School Action, campaigns to try to curtail elite Britain’s hallowed habit of sending its small children away to be looked after by strangers. ", —Suggested by Jack Danger Kidd (Facebook), "During my junior year I decided to give blood. ", "When I went down, the dress went up giving everyone in the gym a view of my bare ass. 'I was raised in India and a year after we got back, my mother took me for an entrance exam to the school and I was accepted on the spot. It’s just that he left home at eight. “You feel, when it’s abuse, the victim gets all the sympathy. Finally on Monday morning, I realized who I had actually been texting. I made it to my final class. He ruined my brother. Judith, a professor of anthropology, is in her late 60s now, but her voice still bristles with anger at the brutality she suffered during her nine years at the school. But I have thought I’m having to live with the consequences of this system. Several ex-boarders say that the worst thing of all, after the agony of that separation at seven or eight years old, has been never being able to trust their parents, or any loved one, again. After 20 years working with and interviewing former boarders as part of her research, Professor Schaverien has identified a cluster of symptoms triggered by the trauma of being sent away. I did get great grades and was in my first year of college. I had to meet the woman with this volcano of righteous outrage. Mary is particularly driven by the fact that the jury that convicted Y, and the judge who sentenced him, never heard what he had done to her brother. And that, she says, is very much how it was during the nine years she spent in the Fifties boarding at Upper Chine School for Girls. For most the shame and anger has not dissipated, but many have said that opening that box is satisfying and helpful. I was struggling with writing my J’s and F’s and a few other letters that I always seemed to get backwards. But now she was gone, bedtime in the sparse dormitory was approaching, and the matron was running out of patience. In front of my entire class. While at school, I was informed the shirt was too low and I would need to button up at least two buttons. ", "One day I got up and ran from my math class because I had to throw up. I asked readers of the Observer Magazine to tell me of their own experiences. ", "I was a REALLY late bloomer. And with suicide comes the inevitable guilt that loved ones left behind feel, or indeed don’t allow themselves to feel by blaming others. I had to stop by the high school to pick up a transcript, walked by his classroom on the way to the office. That’s what has happened to me. 'When my eldest daughter got to the age of nine, I went into her bedroom to kiss her goodnight. Simon Partridge is now training be a youth counsellor. 'It unblocked me. Now our school is kind of out in the middle of nowhere so it takes a while to get to. So isolated was the little girl at her remote Isle of Wight boarding school, she'd not even known that he was seriously ill, let alone dying of polio. I left all of my things in class and sulked off to the nurse's office to avoid facing my classmates after the symphony I just produced. All the abusive men – and they are mostly men – I’ve been told about in recent weeks were once innocent, trusting small boys, just like Mary’s brother, like Ian McFadyen, and like me. Now my life is all over Twitter and Facebook. UGH. It lists some of the rules of Alcatraz, the legendary high-security prison she visited in San Francisco. We were late getting on and it was almost full, but we were able to sit in the third row, squeezing three to a seat. We talk about it to death,” she says. I’ve never felt I have had to look after him. “For nine years, he slept on the sofa. ', Tanith Carey is author of Taming the Tiger Parent, published by Constable at £8.99. ", "One week I felt as if I was going to throw up at any point in time. ", "When I went to my friend's house for the first time I had to take the bus home with her, since she lives in a different part of town. He wasn't wearing underwear and I spent what seemed like an eternity groping around thinking, What the hell is this? Just unhappiness. In front of my entire class. It struck me as terrible that children of seven could be sent away to a world where there was no physical contact, not even a hug when you felt ill.'. James Taylor was sent away to a school at eight because his father, an ex-boarder, assumed his son would get the best possible education. Of children who did not work out why their fathers were so flawed until after they were dead and unreachable. So what are the symptoms of a boarding school survivor? The comments below have been moderated in advance. Sally, 31, whose husband went to prep school at eight and then to Harrow, has had to become something of an expert in the complex psychiatry of early separation and childhood trauma. But according to psychoanalyst Professor Joy Schaverien, author of new book Boarding School Syndrome, youngsters sent away to exclusive schools can suffer mentally just as much as those from deprived backgrounds who spent their childhoods in care. She is the wife of the most vocal survivor of boarding school abuse I’ve met since writing my own account. And she adds: 'The dorms were like cells. “Privileged abandonment,” it has been called. And she supports him as he tells his tale again and again, on talk radio and in the newspapers, even though that entails the most dark revelations. And he says: 'If you were devising a system to emotionally cripple people, sending children away at the age of seven would be it. I’ve heard stories of depression, divorces and of so many suicides. But, she insists, in most cases young children should be with their parents. That’s not going to work.”, The abusers, she suggests, stole from him the right to enjoy intimacy.